Inspiring posts to help you stay positive in an ever-changing world.
See the full series of 365 daily posts here.
#1 – I've decided that my New Year's resolution is to make one inspirational picture a day for the entire year. Please note that the majority of these will be x-rated.
#119 – Friendship is a cow that needs to be milked often and with gusto. Today, connect with an old friend and let the milky goodness flow forth!
#115 – In the 80's, children would gather around the glow of the TV set on Saturday morning and watch these heroes nap, eat applesauce, and drink Metamucil.
#271 – Viewers are drooling all over themselves in anticipation of the WB's hot new sitcom The Dotard! The Dotard is the hilarious story of a bumbling round man who fails at everything and who nobody loves! After a big mixup, he gets mistaken for someone who's competent and is entrusted with responsibility he in no way earned through life experience or was even close to being ready for - janitor at the ice cream factory! Without spoiling too much he's inevitably arrested and tried for treason. Look for The Dotard this fall on TVs everywhere!
#311 – Good times seeing my old high school buds Potato Salad, Ball of Lint, and Rusty Nail, last night! Oh, the stories! Those guys haven't changed a bit... Well, except for Lint — he's put on a couple pounds! Ha, ha, I'm joking, Lint, you old hound dog!
#222 – Oh my God, oh my God! Tell me this isn't happening... The business meeting is in five minutes and I'm stuck, again!
#337 – Tragically, Cory's heart would give out just as the lunch lady was loading up his tray. The poor boy would never get to taste the spag he so coveted.
#98 – Feel the Spice. Suck down a cold one, today!
#308 – One of the greatest ways we can honor the great Demon Lord is to live every day to its fullest! When the portal to the netherworld does fully open, and we are devoured into the belly of the Great Snake on that final day of reckoning, you'll have the peace of mind of knowing you really left it all on the table.
#356 – A lot of you have been asking how things are going with the new baby. Happy to report that things are going GREAT!!! She just started biting and hissing and we couldn't be happier! #Blessed
#226 – Forget needing a fully staffed and functioning state department to combat the threat of total nuclear annihilation... what we need is the hot new album from new-wave sensation "Oily" Rex! These radical up-tempo synth sounds will have you doing the running man, as human kind is erased from the Earth in a fiery flash of horrible devastation! Produced by severely mentally unstable men with very tiny hands, go pick up your copy of "The Fire and the Fury" while you're still here!
#352 – Old Bavarian folk tales tell of a creepy popular pizza franchise owner that would sneak into children's bedrooms in the dead of night and steal their dreams as they slept. He would then slave away over the oven until morning, baking a bubbling cheesy pizza pie full of the little one's nightmares. It is then said that he would deliver his creations to the townsfolk, each one gobbling up the savory pies, unknowingly digesting their own children's dreams, thus stealing the souls of their young babes! Satisfied, with his tricks, the pizza man would then return to his dwelling in the woods, where his goblin friend Payton Manning waited to rub his back — the two complaining intensely about how unfair it is that the pizza man must provide adequate health care to his employees. Or so the story goes... Best to sleep with one eye open this night, children... lest Papa John might pay you a visit!!!
#274 – Kids these days love moist towelettes! How many packets have you used today to clean sauce off your chin!?
#306 – Be informed! If you're currently foaming at the mouth after eating one of our fine Gribblet's TV Dinner beef products you may have Mad Cow! Check yourself into your local Gribblet's detention center for immediate quarantine! People go stark raving mad for Griblbet's!
#335 – Be thankful that even though you lost your arms and torso in the accident, that you can still aimlessly scamper around with those big beautiful legs of yours!
#336 – Criminals beware! Lobster lawyer is one of the most litigious lawyers ever to step foot into a courtroom! So litigious! His unorthodox, outside-the box approach to law impresses all, and his unusual appearance will have you craving butter dipping sauce and cheddar biscuits! Catch Lobster Lawyer on the WB this fall!
#244 – Whenever I'm feeling a little down, I just go outside and look at the opossums rummaging through our trash bin, and I realize that everything's going to be juuuuust fine.
#256 – Hey, old-timer! Have they revoked your driving privileges because you keep hitting pedestrians? Not a problem! Follow this three step plan and you'll be back on the road again in no time!
1.) Sit down at the kitchen table.
2.) grab a dinner plate and pretend it's a steering wheel.
3.) Make some driving noises like "vroooom"!
That's it! You're off to the races! Safe driving champ, and remember the highway of your mind will lead you to new and unexpected places!
1.) Sit down at the kitchen table.
2.) grab a dinner plate and pretend it's a steering wheel.
3.) Make some driving noises like "vroooom"!
That's it! You're off to the races! Safe driving champ, and remember the highway of your mind will lead you to new and unexpected places!
#315 – Love seeing my friends as I cruise down 5th Ave in my new Scoots mobile! What little things bring you guys pleasure?
#359 –
Dearest Giraffe,
You are simply the most beautiful creature to which I have ever laid eyes on. I also like horse, but you are by far my favorite. I would do anything to put a tiny saddle on you and ride you across the Serengeti Plain. I want to spoon out my eyes, as they don't deserve to bask in your exquisite loveliness. Your neck is elongated to a fine degree. Your spots are okay, but not great. My life is garbage with out you. Please let me put the tiny saddle on you... With kind regards,
Hubert Doorbell
Dearest Giraffe,
You are simply the most beautiful creature to which I have ever laid eyes on. I also like horse, but you are by far my favorite. I would do anything to put a tiny saddle on you and ride you across the Serengeti Plain. I want to spoon out my eyes, as they don't deserve to bask in your exquisite loveliness. Your neck is elongated to a fine degree. Your spots are okay, but not great. My life is garbage with out you. Please let me put the tiny saddle on you... With kind regards,
Hubert Doorbell
#273 – Who really cares that you got pink eye from not washing your hands at the petting zoo. Your dreams are still there for the taking!
#358 – You guys, hurry! The rich are giving away some of their trickle-down drippings! Quick, get to the slop troughs!
#355 – How did you guys fare on Black Friday!? Were you able to procure those hot toenail clippers everybody's after this season. I'm pretty excited that I nabbed the sardines that Papi wanted. I'm hoping the fishy odor that's being emitted from the bag doesn't give away the big surprise before Christmas. Can't wait to see his old face melt when he sees the salty treat!
#365 – One year ago today, we began this amazing journey together, not knowing where it would take us. The road has been a long, arduous quest that brought us face to face with our worst inner trolls and goblins. Today we emerge from the nightmare bloodied and battered — yet, hardened. Our resolves now strengthened, we've learned how to cast the powerful protection spell of friendship, and we are ready to face the trials of our next trip around the sun together, as best friends.
I want to thank all of you for allowing my mind-garbage to cross your Facebook feeds day in and day out. Your support has made the infected growth on my head swell to new heights. I would also like to thank my wife and small children, who afforded me the time to draw these horrible pictures everyday, allowing me to think that I had really funny, important things to say.
I've taken up enough of your time, but I want to leave you with one last thought: We're all going to die; but, in the meantime, we must LIVE the life that the great Demon Lord has given us. Praise be unto him. May he slaughter us all.
I want to thank all of you for allowing my mind-garbage to cross your Facebook feeds day in and day out. Your support has made the infected growth on my head swell to new heights. I would also like to thank my wife and small children, who afforded me the time to draw these horrible pictures everyday, allowing me to think that I had really funny, important things to say.
I've taken up enough of your time, but I want to leave you with one last thought: We're all going to die; but, in the meantime, we must LIVE the life that the great Demon Lord has given us. Praise be unto him. May he slaughter us all.
Thank You.